29.04.2013

Layers of Nothing (detail)
page 3
charcoal on paper
29.04.2013

From Layers of Nothing 26.04.2013
work in process

 The nothing was pressing on me, as nothing was coming and all-being, and I took the large Fabriano that's been hanging around for years, and put it on the floor, and put some good music on, and jumped in with Nothing. As nothing is nothing, ziltch, the void, there was nothing to do except write, "nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing", over and over again, separate that into "no thing", and rub it out, and re write it, and start spitting about how terrible it is to be nothing(...)
 And rub it all out. Because I can't even admit these things. (The thought process if funny, because at the same time as admitting them, I say I can't admit them....) And then I look down at what I'm doing and see the layers of nothing. That's when it clicked for me. Layers of Nothing. 

 Layers of Nothing opened up to layers of so many things: layers of sadness, layers of fear, layers of blankets, layers of nausea, layers of memory - as each layer came up, I'd write it down, on the Fabriano, then on my sheet of paper, or on my sheet of paper, then onto the Fabriano.  And today, I continue:

layers of numbness,

layers of fabric....

From an email to Andrew Smaldone 29.04.2013


Working with my Mother